


Gone

by dasyuridae



Series: Quoll's Lyric Fics [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coma, M/M, idk if major character death means many characters die or the death of a major character, yall better find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:47:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3874465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dasyuridae/pseuds/dasyuridae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A snapshot of Kageyama's life, when it feels like it's ended</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Have my ooc early morning ramblings after getting the feels about [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oozQ4yV__Vw) song.  
> -Quoll

 

 _When life leaves you high and dry_  
_I’ll be by your door tonight_  
_If you need help, if you need help_

The nurses knew him now. They would wave him through with a sad look in their eyes, pointing out the right room. When Kageyama was outside, head in his hands, they would smile sadly and occasionally bring him a cup of tea, which sat on the floor until the chill hospital air made it cold. Those were the worst days. When he couldn’t even bear to go inside, to feel the thick cloud of despair that the doctors uselessly scrubbed away at with clinical disinfectant. It was a stagnant place, but bustling with fervent activity, like water that turns poisonous in the ground, full of things skidding around, too small to see. He hated it. He hated how dull and small Hinata looked, normally bright and loud. He hated the insistent beeping of those machines, a permanent reminder. It was a heartbeat, one that screamed its slowing rate, that longed to burst out of the still ribcage it was enclosed in. On the worst days, Kageyama couldn’t bear to listen to it, preferring the clattering of hospital trolleys.

 _I’ll shut down the city lights_  
_I’ll lie, cheat I’ll beg and bribe_  
_To make you well, to make you well_

“You’re going to be fine. I promise because this isn’t… this isn’t the end. You’ll wake up. I know you will.” An empty bedside chair. He didn’t visit, not for weeks. A sense of loss and a bouncing, unrecieved ball.

“This isn’t fair. Just when everything was picking up. I’m the lonely king again, I don’t deserve this. Why did you leave?” A permanent frown. Carving paths through the corridors. Snapping at teammates. A king again.

“If you wake up I’ll… buy you all the meat buns you want. I’ll toss to you as much as you want. Please. Please. I’m sorry.” Hunched over a bed, dripping tears and pleading eyes. Visits to temples and clapping hands, the bitter taste of disappointment.

“There’s no point.” Pork curry that turned to ashes in his mouth. A crumpled number 9. Lethargy and sleep clouded eyes.

“I miss you.” Math homework crumpled on hospital chairs. The sound of a perfect spike. Cups of hospital tea and videos of games on a laptop screen. One sided conversations whispered late at night.

 _When enemies are at your door_  
_I’ll carry you away from war_  
_If you need help, if you need help_

“He’s kind of scary.” A whispered conversation in the hospital halls.  
“He’s _dedicated._ It’s cute.”  
“Yeah, but every time I go to check on the orange haired one he’s just there in the corner, glaring at me like I’m about to kill the kid or something.”  
“Have you tried explaining to him that nothing can be done without parental consent?”  
“You try it.”  
A quick chuckle. “Okay fair point. Still, I feel sorry for him.”  
“Why?”  
“He’s obviously totally dedicated to his friend and… you know.”  
“Yeah… I hate the coma cases.”  
“Mm.”

 _Your hope dangling by a string_  
_I’ll_ _share in your suffering_  
_To make you well, to make you well_

Kageyama’s mother opened her eyes blearily as he slipped in, shutting the door quietly behind him. She sat up quickly. “Welcome home.”  
He jumped slightly, then nodded towards her. “I’m back.” he muttered, in a voice laced with sleep deprivation.  
She sighed, taking in the bags under his eyes and the way he wavered on his feet. “You don’t have to do this, you know.”  
“Do what?”  
“Spend all your time at the hospital. Look, Tobio, I know he was your best friend but your grades are dropping, you look tired and sad all the time, and I’m pretty sure you only go to school so you can play that game of yours. This is going too far.”  
He stared at her. “Hinata _is_ my best friend. Not was. And I have to be there.”  
“Why? He’s in a coma, he doesn’t know whether you’re there or not!”  
“You don’t know that, mum. And I have to be there, because he always was for me.”  
“He would understand! Put yourself first!”  
“This is me putting myself first! This is me paying back all the ‘I’m here’s, because I sure as hell didn’t do it while he was around!”  
There was a silence, which was finally broken by Kageyama’s mother wrapping her arms around her son. “I’m sorry.” she muttered. “I’m so sorry.”

_Give me reasons to believe  
That you would do the same for me_

Fairytales were supposed to be the stuff of stories, but that didn’t stop him dreaming. When his tales of school fell limp from his lips, and Hinata’s unreceptive face made him falter. Then, he would dream. He would dream of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, and of waking up to true love’s kiss. The cynic in him would sneer. True love wasn’t real, after all. But there were some nights where nothing seemed to be real. Not the harsh fluorescent lights, not the white sheets that pulled the colour from the things surrounding them, not his own thoughts, drifting unanchored through his brain. Those were the nights that seemed both hopeful and hopeless. They seemed like death itself, but like a dream. An unescapable dream, a dream that toed the line of nightmare. On one of those nights Kageyama had tried. He had furtively leant down and pecked Hinata on the lips, then sat back up, a curl of embarrassment in his stomach. And that night, as he drifted off, all he could think was that he shouldn’t have waited until it was too late.

 _And I would do it for you, for you_  
_Baby I’m not moving on_  
_I’ll love you long after you’re gone_

Kageyama felt a tug at his trousers, and looked down to see Natsu peering up at him with wide brown eyes. “Is nii-chan coming back?” she asked quietly. The black haired boy looked up, meeting eyes with Hinata’s dad, who was perched on a too small hospital chair. “I.. don’t know, Natsu. I don’t know.”

 _For you, for you_  
_You will never sleep alone_  
_I’ll love you long after you go_  
_And long after you’re gone gone_

“Sorry sir, but it’s getting late, we have to ask you to leave.” The second time that week. Hands slowly pulled apart, quiet corridors and late night bus rides. Dark windows and cars that drove past to unknown destinations. Two drunk men on a Thursday, stumbling with bottles in hand. Another night alone.

 _When you fall like a statue_  
_I’m gonna be there to catch you_  
_Put you on your feet, you on your feet_

“Hey, Kageyama.” said Suga quietly, rolling a volleyball between his hands.  
“Yeah?” asked Kageyama, from where he was poised to rush out the door.  
“I was wondering… Why do you keep coming to volleyball practice? I mean, not that I don’t want you to, but you seem to rush off as soon as it’s over to go to the hospital. And it looks like there are painful memories too.”  
Kageyama looked at his feet, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “He wouldn’t want me to stop.” Then he raised his chin, looking Suga directly in the eye. “And when he comes back, I have to have been practicing because then I’ll be better than him.” His voice wavered and he spun around, running out the door.  
The silver haired boy stared after him sadly, then glanced towards the picture of a boy with orange hair that was pasted over the door. “We miss you, Hinata.” he whispered.

 _And if your well is empty_  
_Not a thing will prevent me_  
_Tell me what you need, what do you need_

Another hospital night. Just Kageyama and Hinata’s mother this time, her hands tangled in bright orange hair, his clasped in his knees. He always felt as if she didn’t know what to do with him. Like she didn’t understand that this dark, scowling boy could have been the friend of her son made of sunshine. Hinata’s other friends had visited too, of course. Some of Nekoma’s players, down from Tokyo for the weekend, and standing shocked by the side of the boy they used to know. The rest of Karasuno, each visiting about once a week, to talk to unhearing ears about volleyball and school and how much they missed him. But Kageyama was the only one that came daily, and sat until he was made to leave. He and Hinata’s mother had spent many nights together in that room, silent in thought. Except this night she spoke up, just once. To utter a whispered thank you, and allow it to carry all the meaning that long conversations couldn’t describe. And they sat in that room made of cloying silence, pretending not to see their tears.

_I’ll surrender honestly  
You’ve always done the same for me_

Kageyama hadn’t expected to see Tsukishima alone. Normally the blonde visited with Yamaguchi, the shorter boy obviously having forced him to come along. But this time Tsukishima was there himself, obviously uncomfortable. They were silent for a long time, Kageyama too nervous to have his normal one sided conversation with the unconscious boy on the bed. Finally the black haired boy pulled out his homework, scribbling nonsensically in the margins so he could appear to be doing something. After a few more minutes of this Tsukishima coughed gently. “You spend a lot of time here.” he said gruffly.  
Kageyama glanced up at him. “Yeah.”  
“Do you think Hinata would really want that? He seems like the kind of guy who’d want you to be getting on with your life.”  
Kageyama twisted his fingers together anxiously. “But I don’t want him to wake up alone. Look at this place!” He waved his hand around. “Who’d want to be alone in here?”  
Tsukishima nodded, running a hand through his hair. Then he stood up and slipped out, leaving Kageyama behind him. The beeping of the machinery mixed with the black haired boy’s whispered words. “And if I’m not here, he won’t be invincible.”

 _And I would do it for you, for you_  
_Baby I’m not moving on_  
_I’ll love you long after you’re gone_

Kiyoko brought flowers when she visited, bouquets that brought sunshine into the room and then wilted, brown and decaying until they were replaced or thrown away. They were beautiful, but a painful reminder.

 _For you, for you  
You would never sleep alone_  
_I’ll love you long after you’re gone_  
_And long after you’re gone gone gone_

Even Oikawa had sent a card. There were ones from Datekou, from Fukurodani, and the overflowing piles of ones from school, people that Kageyama had never met, but Hinata had apparently befriended. He had touched so many people, and it only made it worse. Kageyama would take his place in a heartbeat.

 _You’re my backbone, you’re my cornerstone_  
_You’re my crutch when my legs stop moving_  
_You’re my headstart, you’re my rugged heart_

The teachers didn’t give him as much homework. They would nod at him understandingly when he walked through the corridors, a quick dip of the head that said ‘I know who you are. I’m sorry’. And it seemed like everyone did. He was the orange haired kid’s friend. They’d only hung out at lunchtimes, an hour full of insults and fruit milk, an hour he missed more than he would have imagined. But in the eyes of the school, the two of them were intertwined. So in the corridors he got sad eyes and people looking away nervously. In the classroom he finally had an excuse for his scowl, and his snappy way of talking. People forgave him for it. He just wished it hadn’t taken all this to make that happen.

_You’re the pulse that I’ve always needed_

Beep

_Like a drum baby don’t stop beating_

Beep

_Like a drum baby don’t stop beating_

Beep

_Like a drum baby don’t stop beating_

Beep

_Like a drum my heart never stops beating_

_For you, for you_  
_Baby I’m not moving on_  
_I’ll love you long after you’re gone_

“I miss you. I’m sorry for all those times I said I didn’t want to see you again.”

 _For you, for you_  
_You would never sleep alone_  
_I’ll love you long after you’re gone_

“I’m happy I met you. You saved me, I guess. Yeah.”

 _For you, for you_  
_Baby I’m not moving on_  
_I’ll love you long after you’re gone_

“It’s not the same. Tanaka isn’t as fast as you, and Asahi doesn’t trust me enough. I shout at them sometimes. I wish I didn’t.”

 _For you, for you_  
_You would never sleep alone_  
_I’ll love you long, long after you’re gone_

“I love you.”

_Like a drum baby don’t stop beating_

Beep

_Like a drum baby don’t stop beating_

Beep

_Like a drum baby don’t stop beating_

Beep

_Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you_

Beep

_And long after you’re gone gone gone  
I love you long after you’re gone gone gone_

The deathly smell of silence.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really enjoying writing these lyric fics so you guys should tell me other songs you think would work on [tumblr](www.volleyball-boyfriends.tumblr.com)


End file.
